At a high school friend’s house the morning after a rockin’ New Year’s party, I decided to paint a mustache on my face using Wite-Out. I didn’t realize it didn’t just wash off.
During a fitness class I was teaching, which consisted of all women, someone on the fitness staff decided to microwave their cup-o-soup in the next room, the smell filling the studio. Not knowing this, I ran through the studio sniffing like a hound dog and exclaiming, “Who brought a tuna sandwich with them? Who brought a tuna sandwich with them?” like some kind of crazed chicken, squawking and flapping my arms. I was kind of naive. When it dawned on me what I was really saying — and which explained the horrified looks I was getting from the class — I tried to play it off by saying, “Maybe it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”
After a late night, I jumped onto the bus to get home and immediately fell asleep. Then, all of a sudden, I woke up with a jolt to see the bus doors closing. “How long have I been asleep? I must have missed my stop!” I jumped off and realized that I was still at the stop where I had gotten on.
At a job I had in high school as an ice cream scooper, I decided to see if banana peels were really slippery during one of our busiest days of the year. My co-worker stepped on it and launched the three banana splits she had been carrying across the room, fell, and broke her shoulder.
I was a personal fitness trainer in Aspen, with a long list of celebrity clients. Wendy, a co-worker and friend, had an office on the second level of the Aspen Club. Walking by her office one afternoon, I saw her with her back to the door, bent over and rummaging through a duffel bag. I tiptoed up behind her and made to grab her behind (this was way before sexual harrassment litigation had been invented). Something made me say her name just before I grabbed her, and she stood up, surprised, and turned around. Come to find out, it wasn’t Wendy at all, but John Oates. They looked exactly alike from behind.
In parochial school, I got the bright idea to scare Sister Mary Carmen by putting a cigar box full of frogs in her desk, and rigging it so that when the drawer was opened, the lid flew back on the box and all the frogs escaped. I had no idea that she was deathly afraid of frogs. She screamed and flew backward so fast and hard, she fell and knocked herself unconscious on the blackboard.
Tried washing my hair with mayonnaise because I heard it was good for it. My hair was so greasy for the next two weeks, I refused to leave the house.
One morning I woke up at 2 a.m., thinking it was late and time to get ready for school. I hurriedly awoke my five brothers, and we all scrambled to get showers and breakfast. While slurping down our cereal, one of my brothers happened to look at the clock. It was 3 a.m.
A woman in one of the classes I taught stopped me after our lesson one day. “I just wanted to say that my name isn’t Marie. It’s Terry.” I had been calling her Marie since the day she arrived in my class. I don’t know why. We became really good friends after that.
Made up a bigger lie than I needed once when I got caught using my parent’s car without permission. The lie not only backfired, but got me thrown into jail for several hours.
