A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To…

…buying a home.

In the past, I have struggled with finances, and therefore, my credit rating.  My cavalier younger self never thought it would be necessary to obtain a decent credit rating…but that outlook changed as I matured. My philosophy?

If I don’t have enough cash to buy it outright, I don’t need it.

However, that’s all changed.  Dramatically.

A couple years ago when I became catastrophically ill, it nearly ruined me financially.  But instead of running from it, I dug deep and resolved to work my way through it.  I discovered a fiscal responsibility I never knew I possessed.  And I found that it felt good to solve my problems intelligently rather than like a petulant child.

A little over two years later, more than 50% of that debt has been repaid.  I learned that hospitals and collection agencies will work with you as long as you make an honest effort to pay.  And even though it will be a couple more years before it’s completely paid off, I managed to make sure that no more than two of my accounts defaulted…and those only because I wasn’t paying attention.

So here I am, the owner of a home.  Not only do I find that I now have equity in something worthwhile (the gov’t wants to hand me $7500 in an interest-free loan just for having purchased this place!), what with the tax deductions and other financial perks a homeowner gets (who knew?), but now every credit agency in the universe is clamoring to throw money my way.

One of the “funniest” is Dell computers.  I’ve been a long-time customer of theirs and have spent a goodly amount of money on their products.  And each time I purchased, I applied for financing, which I was summarily denied.

Until last week.

Not only did they throw a HUGE line of credit my way (at 30% interest, mind you), but have made me a preferred customer, which results in great savings on any product they sell. I already get a hefty discount because I’m a government employee, but now that I own a home, it’s like I turned into King Midas overnight.

I know how heady that might be if I was my younger, more irresponsible self, but I’ve gotten a very down-to-earth view of it all.

So now my wallet is fat with credit cards (that I do not abuse and rarely use) and my bank account states that I have more than $0 in it.  That in itself is an oddity.  It’s a wondefully secure feeling to know that in an emergency, I have resources to fall back on where I didn’t before.  As long as I don’t go cuckoo with them, I might even be able to retire someday.

Huzzah!

Power Be-All

This is a story about how playing the lottery could ruin your life.

It’s meant to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, but also hides some deep cynicism on my part. Now that you’ve been forewarned…

I have never played the lottery. There may be many reasons for this, but the one that leaps to mind is that my Evil StepFather (ESF) was a gambler. Horses, dogs, lottery, baseball, football…you name it, he probably placed wagers on it. Since ESF and I never got along (unless you count numerous fistfights as “tough love”), I have always tended to stay away from any behaviors that remind me of him. For that reason, I have also developed a personal view that anything that even hints of gambling is low-class.

Recently, my astrologer (I can hear you laughing from here) indicated that now would be a really good time to buy lottery tickets, due to beneficial planetary alignments in my chart currently. As she has never led me astray, I considered it. It took nearly a week to first convince myself that I wasn’t turning into a version of ESF, then another week to be able to justify it to myself that it was okay to buy a ticket or three.

However, I didn’t know how. Seriously. (I can hear you laughing from here) So I called my friend BlondeFreak to ask her where I might buy said tickets, and whether or not I could put them on a credit card, or did one have to pay cash. (I have no problem displaying my ignorance for all to see, apparently)

BlondeFreak explained the way it worked to me without laughing in my face, for which I was grateful. She has probably laughed about it behind my back, though. I don’t mind.

So I purchased both the Powerball (which the Goddess Ra calls “Power Be-All,” hence the title of this post) as well as the straightforward Colorado Lottery version. That first time, in spite of the idea that there was no way I could lose, I didn’t even match one number. Not. One.

This past week, I branched out. I bought seven tickets from various lottery programs. This took place on Monday. For the following 48 hours, I dreamed of how I would spend the 60 million I was about to be awarded. The numbers were drawn last night well after I went to sleep. When I awoke, I immediately checked to see how much I had won.

Once again, I matched only one number out of seven tickets. A short time later, while in the shower, I realized what I had been doing.

I mentioned in a previous post about my lack of financial training I received in my life. Pretty much none. Yet I was already spending $60 mil, and devising ways of paying off the enormous medical bills that hang over my head each month. It was a dangerous and slippery slope I found my thoughts upon. I was ready to just be handed an obscene amount of money so that I could stop worrying about finances.

Wow. What a flippin’ idiot! I would be one of those numbskulls (I love that word!) who would dribble away the entire payday, thinking that I had more money than, well, Shirley MacLaine. Because of my lack of fiscal training, I would most likely act in an incredibly irresponsible manner. Duh.

And imagining that I would win, I also found that I spent more this month as if I actually had already won that money. I managed to catch myself before complete financial ruin, thank Oprah. (I have decided that Oprah is the new Goddess of Just About Everything. Besides, saying “Thank Oprah” just has a certain je ne sais quoi to it.)

So, my thinking is that people like me should stay far away from gambling on enormous prizes and stick to things I am actually very good at. Like writing. Or dog wrestling. Sleeping’s another event I excel at. Let this be a cautionary tale for all of you.